In the past week, the film Strip Down, Rise Up has premiered on Netflix. Leading up to its release, unresolved feelings about my less than optimal experience being filmed for a class in a modality called S Factor, which was filmed for the purpose of being included in the documentary.
Next came absolute outrage upon watching the finished film which was releases a little over a week ago. Navigating the waves of this experience has been quite the ride.
After sharing my uapologetic, non- sugar coated truth on IG live, the video went viral. It was reposted and shared by many womxn all over the world. My DMs filled with shares & I've been receiving opportunities to speak to this ever since, including in an interview by Buzzfeed. Its been energetically a lot to navigate which is what I want to be transparent with you about.
The best way I can describe how this experience has been is:activating.
From the release of the trailer stirring up unresolved discomfort with my involvement, to absolute outrage upon watching the finished film upon its release a little over a week ago, to navigating the waves of this experience.
Not only that, but my video went viral, shared by many womxn all over the world, my DMs filled with shares, & I've been receiving press opportunities ever since. My voice was included quite a bit in this BuzzFeed article. Its been energetically a lot to navigate which is why I want to be transparent with you.
In the name of inspiring you to speak your truth when the time comes for you, I want to de-mystify what this moment has been like. But first I want to breakdown a very brief summary of my frustration with this doc:
Why this film is problematic:
1. It upholds stigma around sex work/ers: there is not a single interview featuring a stripper in this documentary on the "world of pole". This includes the absence of my own voice as a stripper during filming nearly 3 years ago. And whenever sex work or sex workers arementioned, it's framed as shameful or less than in contrast with using the pole for other purposes. The lack of education, awareness, & intersectionality in this discussion is erasing & infuriating.
2. It upholds patriarchal standards: This film frames itself as female empowerment, but I don't believe its empowering to put the male gaze at the center of the discussion. From centering trauma, to weight loss, to makeover, to interviewing the husbands and highlighting their voices/problematic opinions of their pole dancing partners, I see this as upholding patriarchal BS, not dismantling a damn thing.
If you haven't yet, I encourage you to watch my video to hear more of my perspective.
What its been like to share my truth:
1. Liberating: Having the courage to express my honest opinions and unfiltered truth has been a next level energetic portal. My body itself can feel the difference lately when I practice embodiment and move through space.
2. Illuminating: As soon as I opened my mouth, the comment sections & my DMs were flooded with shares. From sex workers & pole enthusiasts who were similarly outraged by the film, to former S Factor employees sharing their less than optimal experiences. I realized that my intuitive nudges were on point all along. My instincts about this modality and my experience were validated in unexpected ways. And I realized how often we defer our own intuitions to those who have bigger platforms than us in circumstances that we are more than qualified to speak to.
3. Clarifying: It became very clear to me that the reason I doubted my experience initially had to do with imposter syndrome. And to take it one step further in the words of Blair Imani: "Calling it "Imposter Syndrome" hides the fact that oppressive systems teach many of us to actively suppress and hate ourselves". I understood that my own doubt stemmed from the power dynamics at play in this particular situation and that the overarching discussion in the mainstream of female empowerment blatantly ignores intersectionality. The historical context of colonization and white supremacy is what makes S Factor & the documentarian of this film feel so comfortable completely ignoring the roots of pole dance in stripping.
4. Unnerving: Along the way I've had many fearful moments where good girl conditioning became painfully clear. A great opportunity for re-programming. For example, when I first started sharing, I was feeling very concerned about appearing mean or aggressive. I experienced gaslighting from other womxn and I worried about getting into legal trouble. But I recognized through this that my inner bitch has fierce boundaries, is ready to protect me, and can smell bullshit from miles away- I fell more in love with & grateful for this part of myself.
Overall, this has been a powerful experience to step into with deep self awareness and devotion to practicing what I preach. It also became crystal clear that this is about so much more than me. I'm so happy I shared my truth about being a stripper with y'all 6 months ago. As a result, I got on my way to feeling comfortable speaking about this important part of my life and I already began peeling back the layers to stand in this truth fully.
5 Ways to Support Yourself When Speaking Your Truth:
Here are the elements that have kept me anchored & feeling empowered to speak my truth, integrating my wholistic Pussy Empowered approach in real time:
1. Mind: Thinking about the ways in which my journey has led my to my current understanding of why this film is problematic, and the context of this moment in herstory has been powerful reflection. And an important reminder of why trusting my intuition & sharing my voice is so necessary for me personally & to the collective. It is about so much more than me, which has eliminated the option of staying silent from the realm of possibilities in my eyes.(Herstory*)
2. Body: Laying on the ground, being cleansed by the ocean, dancing under the stars, and seeing the horizon have been reminders that I am deeply held and supported. Connecting into my senses and the Earth helped me stay present and awake to the reality of the moment and out of the fear overactive minds cling to so often. Staying committed to my blissipline, eating well, sleeping lots, taking CBD, baths, and listen to music have been deeply supportive to my nervous system. (Rapture)
3. Spirit: anchoring into my ongoing womb meditation, sensual movement and journaling kept me centered in my inner world & connected to my WHY & committed to showing up (Intuition)
4. Emotion: continuing my practice of processing & confronting emotions that were coming up rather than ignoring or vilifying them kept me honest and present with myself. (Surrender)
5. Support: I'm lucky to have extremely supportive friends & community with experience in activism and also in "coming out" to their loved ones in order to live in their truth. They helped remind me that my doubt and fear was a direct result of the racist patriarchy and the importance of continuing to share my story. I'm so grateful for these incredible beings (you know who you are). Having a supportive community is critical as we dismantle and re-condition ourselves, in the process of laying the foundation of the world we want to see.
As a result of this experience, I have felt called to lean into this conversation and inspired to create this conversation series which will culminate in a panel discussion on a TBD date & platform. Join me for live discussions with strippers & varied voices on the topic of:
First Up:
I’ll leave you with this excerpt by Audre Lorde”
"I was going to die, sooner or later, whether or not I had even spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you.... What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language."
I began to ask each time: "What's the worst that could happen to me if I tell this truth?" Unlike women in other countries, our breaking silence is unlikely to have us jailed, "disappeared" or run off the road at night. Our speaking out will irritate some people, get us called bitchy or hypersensitive and disrupt some dinner parties. And then our speaking out will permit other women to speak, until laws are changed and lives are saved and the world is altered forever.
Next time, ask: What's the worst that will happen? Then push yourself a little further than you dare. Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it's personal. And the world won't end.
And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don't miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, "If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution." And at last you'll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking."
From ‘The Transformation of Silence Into Language & Action” by Audre Lorde
*The titles in parenthesis mark the corresponding element taught with my Pussy Empowered approach.